I am finally ahead.
And already have my
work … word for 2020: Uncomplicate.
Rather than “simplify” which too often can keep us in the shallows or “minimalism” which is its own tangled thing,
I want to uncomplicate my life by uncomplicating my thinking, what my heart chooses to believe and my time.
My goal and work is to further uncomplicate the story I tell myself and the stories I believe. To make room for peace, stillness, friends, love-unencumbered-by-fear, and further the goofy relationships with the kids. Perhaps I’ll even learn to knit again so I can fill up the mitten tree at the Manhattan Public Library as I’ve always hoped to do. Or run that half marathon again. Or save for a home. Or plan and execute another adventure in the mountains. Or pivot to strength upon strength once again. Finally.
To be honest, this “uncomplicate” goes further than people-related goals.
I want the way I live my life to genuinely reflect what is important to me; what’s in my heart and mind.
And if what’s in my heart and mind is an overcomplicated story that is too weighty and too true to be shared ad nauseum, I want to continue to disentangle myself from it so the stories I live are TODAY and free from the weight of truth that damn near did me in.
The realization: This fall while practicing the courage to be curious, I finally realized that I wear these stories as armor to protect my heart. Instead of protecting it, these terrible truths weigh it and my relationships down. Self-fulfilling rejection and abandonment made worse by living to appeal to the people who like me the least. I do not want to be among those people who like me the least.
The armor: If I show you all of the crap and scrappiness I’ve had to adopt, it will be too much, too weighty and you will not be able to handle it. Then so long. Good luck. Thank you for the fish.
The reality: Yes. My origin story is … oy, that’s true. But it is not me. I am more. (and so are you.)
The solution: Release myself from those terrible truths. Leave them in the work I’ve done to heal. Live in this moment (the only moment that is.) Love deeply. No longer moderate myself to be approved and enjoy this very short life. I have snowy hills to kayak down and new teeth to have the dentist make.
Soon … today/everyday, I’ll have a new life to love and familiar lives to love more deeply – including my own. It will take more detangling and more uncomplication. But I think I am finally at the easy part of this adventure.
I am finally at the beginning. And you are welcome to join me.
True to type, I will be moving to a new blog style and under a new banner: Uncomplicate. It is a new way to live to embrace the very best part of the old-new-in-process me.
To make this short life wide.
In the spirit of the Polar Express, The train is idling on the tracks for only a few more breaths. I want on this train – peace train, party train, Amtrak train and Polar Express. I, however, want no more part of any crazy train – yours or my own.
Walk with me. Run with me. Knit, laugh and cry with me.
Watch the sun rise and set. Enjoy a glass of sangiovese with me.
Read books, travel, hike, climb, listen, love and walk the dog with me.
Play, explore, discover and release the bullshit we’ve been carrying around like a helm.
Paint the kitchen with me soon. And if you have tin snips and a nail gun … and will help
me update the janky ceiling in the kitchen, let me know. Let’s be creative.
Uncomplicate with me. We have too good of a life to waste it tangled in a mess of our own and others’ thinking.
I realize this now. The easy part is ahead. Living without regret.
Much love (and dog boops.)