Grounded

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Today, I’ve biffed my shoulders and shins and hands – jammed my fingers as if I were still playing 8th-grade basketball – all thanks to an allergy-encouraged adventure into vertigo. Spring in Kansas, with its sudden warmth, forsythia, wind and annual burning-of-the-fields is bittersweet. Warmth and greening? Yay! Allergies outrunning my Allegra-D? Not-so-yay. I am grounded for the day.

I should have known this was coming. Saturday, I kept bumping into Katie as we explored K-State’s Open House with Miss C. And then I thought it was odd to feel seasick yesterday while kayaking and attributed it to too much wind rippling the water and too little water keeping me hydrated. And I’ve been hammering my hands more than normal, ripping flesh on nails while preparing to paint. My balance has been especially off-gimbal all weekend. Thank goodness I didn’t try to revive my rock-climbing career this weekend.

Instead of knocking this unwelcome giddiness out with an hour of intentional decongestants, hot shower (in my freshly painted and spiffed up bathroom), etc. as I envisioned, I am still at home. Feeling not as defeated as I might have before, just groggy. Accepting. Antsy.

Things I am learning:

  • Izzy has plopped herself on top of me all morning. If not grounding me by laying on me, she has placed herself in a bunched-up-beside-me role to keep me steadied, I guess. After our sad, slow and too-short morning walk, I sat on the floor to take my shoes off and started to tip. No joke. Izzy backed into the hallway just as I flopped to the left. She caught me. Only I was surprised.
  • Podcasts are my friend right now. Reading makes me nauseous and surprisingly, writing does not as long as I let keep my vision on a fixed point in space and do not read what I’ve written (ha!) I’m reminded of what a ballet instructor told me when I was a tiny wishful ballerina – to keep my eye on the mark on the wall and spin – always trying to return the gaze to that one point. (Finally, ballet is coming in handy.)
  • I can ask for help. As someone who was trained to believe I was a bother and burden, asking for help creates a visceral fear response in me – less so in the past five years after having no choice but to ask for help. Proof: ClaraBelle is going to start her twice-a-week Izzy walking today while I wait for the world to stop its drunken lope.
  • I can ask for help and not be vilified or fear being made to feel foolish. I am hoping this permeates into everyday relationships at work, among friends and hopefully – one day with a very patient man who likes this adventuresome nerdy laugh-too-loud woman with a penchant for stopping to look at bugs on the sidewalk and sparkly bits of refracted light.
  • Days like this are so rare for me, but everyday ordinary for many. I am grateful for the consistent balance, strength, flexibility and endurance I typically have. Very grateful. And for Izzy who has finally moved her toasty self and is snoring on the couch like the true pup she is.

Vertigo and Izzy have given me a new view of the world. One that is sweeter, kinder, and requires a bit of patience. I’ll take it because there is something wonderful about feeling grounded in good company.

Send your balance-restoring ideas to me, please. Any more decongestants, and I’m going to look like that dry-as-toast looking fright off The Mummy Returns.

As always, looking for the #AdventureAndWonder of the everyday.


2 thoughts on “Grounded

  1. I am so very sorry. I’ve only had vertigo once and had to have a very odd procedure, consisting of head turns and rotating table, by an ENT to cure. I was so miserable I would have done anything she asked. Sitting/sleeping up right helped and dim light. If I lived close, I would be your full time nurse until you were better. I don’t remember ever feeling worse so my empathy knows no end. Love you💕💕

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