I had forgotten

Izzy whompusI’m getting a new roommate. Izzy is going to soon make her triumphant – if not temporary – unexpected return to the Hobbit House. Gosh, I’ve missed her.

Izzy has been the head of ranch security on the land Z’s parents own in Oklahoma for the past years. She has barked up the southern sun. Become an expert at finding and reallocating the hunting dogs’ food. She has run free across the woody land followed by a small pack of even smaller pups who boss her around and rely on Izzy as protector.

I am so excited. And scared – not wanting to foul this up. I had forgotten how having a new “someone” in the home changes things.

Like having kids. When I had tiny tenacious tots in the home, I remained terrified. Would they be safe and would I bore them? Could I show up for such remarkable humans and their early-life bundle of needs and not send us all to the Jerry Springer show? Would I know how to love them and would they learn how to love themselves (long before I got the hang of it)?

With Izzy’s return imminent, I am having similar thoughts: Is she still a trash panda? Will she be lonely at home while I am at work? Can I meet her needs and still grow into my own self? Will she be a complete bed hog and force me off my own dang bed? I’m guessing yes to all of these.

Living alone is quiet and contemplative. It is lonely. I can stop drop and go. It can be too quiet. A learning curve is coming with Izzy’s return. And joy.

Not only is Izzy worth it, but loving my kids – her first people – is so worth sorting out super-early-morning walks before 6 a.m. yoga, lunchtime walks and evening jaunts in the neighboring green space.

And there is the chance to love on Z’s family who needs a bit of a break right now with a lot on their familial plate.

All-weather walks, snuggling with the giant pup, caring for “someone” both a little needy and always around is like parenting. So much value added. So much life.

We will work this thing out. The one thing I haven’t forgotten about having a roommate is how we are invited to stretch and grow and move toward another out of love. It’s been a while since I co-habitated with a sentient being that could kick me out of my own bed and who’s needs may preclude my need for coffee…and force me to adjust and wake early.

You know, the first time I had to do this – with Magpie and Kenan – the stakes were higher and I knew zip, diddley and squat about caring for another, boundaries and how to make edible supper for more than one. At least now, I have those experiences behind me and a few months of life with Izzy when the kids first moved to Hamburg.

I am looking forward to picking her up from the Oklahoma land and hoping she will forgive my current tiny home and quirky ways.

I am reminded to be curious. The kids and I figured out how to stay alive and love one another through diapers and colic; adolescence and parental cluelessness.

Izzy and I will figure out how to live and be goofy, too. I need the practice, anyhoo. At least I hope I need it. Who knows what is coming ahead as so much work continues within?

There is a wonder to it – this adventure. 
And plenty of miles laid out before the hefty pup and I.
Join us. We’ve got lots of walking to do. Airing out and all that.

I wonder if she would/could successfully kayak with us. Maybe I can tow her in her own Izmodo barge?

Bonus: someone dear introduced me to this song, Coming Home, www.youtube.com/watch?v=iC7wWFQUUqU. Enjoy.


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