I lost my voice.
And I kind of love it.
Not so much the endless cups of tea and not being able to run (the wheezing…), but losing my voice has helped me find a few important things like solitude, more attentive listening, greater thoughtfulness when I do attempt speech and the best maniacally-sounding laugh I’ve ever had. That last one has me surprisingly excited – probably because there is so little about me that is maniacal or “evil genius.”
The listening. When I know that I cannot immediately speak – verbally respond – I am more content and intent on listening to what folks are saying. At work, at home and wherever else these purple chucks take me, I am listening. Hearing the heart of the story in both words and tenor. So much more to learn this way. I love it.
Words. My words are on a spartan budget. I just don’t have much capacity to talk and some days I’ve had zero ability to talk. I’m enjoying the sweetness of measuring my words and responses and adding awareness to other means of communicating. My favorite is still the maniacal laugh.
Not one to have ever been accused of being expressionless (I could never play poker or try to lie- total waste of effort), I’ve been relying more on the long pauses and facial expressions and noticing others’ nonverbal communication, too.
Possibly related: I’m listening to more audiobooks. May I recommend “Mr. Penumbra’s 24-Hour Bookstore” and “Hello Universe.” Reading is still my preferred transmission of long stories, but the audiobooks have kept me company in the quiet. In such storied company, I’ve begun creating…McGuyvering a crazy quilt out of bits I’ve carried with me too long. These bits of yarn are from a favorite store that no longer exists. Creating something from those bits is moving disappointment of my slackiness to possible warmth and joy for someone who needs it. If you’re sitting on yarn right now and want to toss it to a cause, I’ll add it to the crazy quilt and think my best thoughts towards you as I knit.
All of this quiet follows an adventure with Magpie and Z in Germany and a run up to return to speed at work (still running up on that one.) I am less restless than before that last plane touched down in Hamburg – having such adventures in loving company and plenty of unasked for time to quietly think. I am strategizing how to approach work differently – more efficiently and how to be content today. As is.
The quiet is a canvas unsullied by my conversational meanderings. I am watching…listening to see what appears in this space.
Join me if you’d like. You are welcome in this quiet space of the Hobbit House.
DerringDo and all that is good, friends.