Build.

20180101_084754.jpgIt begins today. 

Each year of late, I’ve approached the new year with a word or idea to orient my thoughts and actions over the coming 365 days. Last year’s “Voyage of Discovery” proved on point: I began a graduate degree in January, new work in February, learned I was losing my vision last summer…then learned I’d had the wrong diagnosis, kids moved overseas, kids got married, kids’ pup moved into the Hobbit House for a bit in the autumn, unfettered from the garbage barge of ruin of my being-a-kid, and into a host of meetings and partings. 2017 has been a year of discovery. 

As December wound down into its arctic end, I caught myself thinking of 2018 as a year to BUILD. Not with power tools (phew!), but with quiet and intention. And because it’s never simple in my brain, this year of “BUILDing” comes in four parts:

  1. Build space: consistently and intentionally quiet enough to clear the dross within and make a little headway…or headspace and heartspace. 
  2. Build credibility: return trust to myself and intuition, rebuild professional credibility.
  3. Build conversation and community.
  4. Build something that lasts.

Building space of heart and head has me excited and slightly wigged out. What will I find in those cluttered spaces? What will I need to dislodge into the ether to gain space? Can I be still long enough to build space? 

What will I find in those empty spaces?

Build credibility? Since returning to Kansas like a dog too-long beat in the dusty shadows, I have not trusted myself completely or even nearly so. This week, instead of looking at the season that brought me here again as a colossal failure of intuition, wisdom and perhaps faith, I began to see that season as part of my story arc of falling down and getting back up and falling down and straining to regain strength in wobbly legs to stand.

This new vision – these new specs – take some of the misplaced shame and lingering embarrassment of having been raped and deceived and tosses it into the fire. I can hear the roar of the fire now as I write and it warms me.

The idea of Building conversation and community is a bit farther afield. I’m not quite sure yet if this means my local community or a wider dialogue. It could be intimate conversations with friends old and new, sweet words from someone who may love me, or hard truths told in a more public square. I don’t know. I don’t need to know yet. The four-tiered Building year sits so solidly in my inner being, that I am not afraid of the uncertainty of the what and how.

Building something that lasts? I am no sculptor nor handy with tools of construction nor artistic endeavor so this final Build has me both hopeful and stumped. Of course I hope to build something needed, worthy and foundational as well as something lovely and long-lasting in my relationships. 

Colorado maybe? Konza? London?

I don’t know…yet

But as I listen to Waking Ned Devine‘s soundtrack and plan a quick excursion into today’s bitter cold, I send my warmest love to you and invite you to consider your approach to this new year – however man-made the construct of measured time.

What do you hope to build this year? Where do you hope to go? And with whom?

You don’t need to have all of the hows and whys figured out – ever. You just need to take the opportunity at hand to dream a little bit and then move forward toward your good dreams, the dreams that bring you life and joy. 

And as you travel on, you may need some good tunes for the trip; I offer you Humming House’s, Fly On, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros’, Home and the Avett Brothers’, Ballad of Love and HateThese songs may help you travel further down your own road.

Fly on home…in love. Build your good lives. I’d love to hear how it is going. Check back and tell me how you’re doing in the comment section. Thank you for joining the conversation.

We are in this together.


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