when i am unsettled

charming 1

when i am unsettled
everything is in lower caps.

the locusts’ song that normally brings joy
grates on my last ping-y nerve

shame follows me around
guilt
you shoulda done this
you shoulda been more grateful
you’re a dork.

and I must ask myself
What is real? What is true?

today the unsettling came.
weather and fire
human frailties masked by cavalier bravado on a global scale
that un-jiminey cricket
which sat on my shoulder and pointed out all the ways I am not enough

apparently, he is making the rounds.
i learned this while on my tiny couch
in my tiny apartment
thinking my tiny thoughts
and skipping yoga
because i needed to be still…to be tiny.

i learned un-jiminey cricket was making his rounds
when friend after friend
either connected with me directly
or sent out into the world
their own sense of dis-ease
and not enough.

not too long ago
i may have said that the enemy of my soul was hounding me
to distract from good by
having my fresh coffee and last-of-my-peppermint mocha creamer hit the kitchen floor…and door at work
or have a project need all sorts of rewrite (my responsibility, not my work)
or finally have an inappropriate remark sink sink sink in.

but today, as donnie mowed by my car at lunch (& waved because he is kind like that)
i realized my cup splattered to the floor because gravity works
my colleague is taking ownership of something in a way that will make it so much better
and that my instincts are right and some words assembled are just wrong

irma
harvey
wildfires in montana, oregon, california, idaho, washington…
mumbai
nigeria
the rohingya
hunger
daca
fear
the white house

what is our response in the face of disasters?
what to do when the great wind ceases
the crackling flames die
water recedes
and the braggadocio is silent
and the real work of clean-up
repair
restore
healing
refreshing begins?

as the day closes and we wonder what the hell just happened
un-jiminey cricket gives his sneering a rest
and
and
and
the unsettling tries to settle in
I again ask myself these questions,
What is real? What is true?

my answer (so far)
people are messy
so is life
love and kindness are not as rare as they feel
the vocal minority is loud and we are better than the hate and fear
we are more than us v. them

it’s about the people
the humans

not the bouncy car
zit
trash left in the parking lot
or being number one.

It’s about the People.
The Humans.
Our Home.
Us.

We will move from unsettled to peace
to action
in kindness

Because Darkness Never Wins.
It just fools you into thinking it does.

charming

at least that’s what prince charming said once upon a time.


4 thoughts on “when i am unsettled

  1. Thank you for writing! I too have been unsettled. Your words grasp much if not all of what I too have wondered through this week….this month… of being unsettled.

    Like

    1. Melinda, I keep thinking of how the people I’ve met in the heartland – like you – give me hope. We just keep doing life and reaching further to the folks around us…like at the grocery store. :) Thank YOU.

      Like

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