We ran

runningThis morning, Katie and I ran.

We began by letting Chuck-the-pup outside once I got to her door. We then walked down the street, up Poyntz Avenue Hill, and across the intersection to the block where both the High School and cemetery make space. At the stop sign, we ran. 

Down Sunset Avenue – one of my favorite running hills, towards Aggieville on Anderson Avenue, and after a wee left turn at Varsity Donuts, we ran North Manhattan to City Park. Not very far, but very fun. (Nobody barfed or died.)

Katie trusts me to conjure up new routes and challenges which won’t kill us and will stretch us. Sometimes when we cross big intersections in the wee morning hours, I’ll flop a cartwheel across the center; one does not attempt an in-street cartwheel while the WildCats roam in daylight.

It is always more fun to run in good company. Katie is good company. In fact, the past few  weeks have been full of good company and I am so grateful. Georgia company, Kansas City company, Manhappiness company, and more. The changes of companionship have afforded more time to explore with more folks; a bittersweetness.

I’ve also felt more compelled to move towards a few necessary goals like Grad School (anyone care to finance this? Your ROI will be good, I promise.), cooking twice a week, and spending even less. These new goals do not make up for or replace the sweetness of the past year, but they do give some purpose and excitement to this day and forward.

It is not certain whether the funds will come through so I can begin a diligent pursuit of a Community Development graduate education. I hope they do and am working to that end.

At the very beginning of our family, I had an opportunity to pursue a degree from a pretty nifty grad school. Later, I had available funds set aside again for graduate school, but as before – I knew in my very being I needed to marshal my focus towards one thing…two people who call me “Mom” (or Mumsie, or Mamacita, or Momster).

I think I made a few good and tough life decisions for our Lousch annex. Folks do the work full-time, study full-time, and raise family 24/7-thing; I am not made for that though my favorite running pal is.

The way is still fairly obscure and I trust it is being made…by me, the Universe, God, or something with whom I’d like to participate.

Friday, I learned a fabulous team of folks will be welcoming someone new to their company (not me). I remembered the blog I recently wrote about the “Fine Art of Failure” and genuinely laughed.

The job goes to someone else? Ouch. Must get back at those applications.
Heartbreak visits? No need to check into heartbreak hotel; I’m not staying.
Hit the virus-laden link? It’s bad, but the apocalypse is yet triggered. Start over.
Big dream goes down in flames? We are still here. We were never what we did or dreamed. We are in the right now. It demands our “attention, please!”

We fall.
And then we rise.

I think what is left for me of that list is to hit the virus-laden link or lick a virus laden spoon of chocolate frosting…or get hit by a virus-filled bus.

We fall.
And then we rise.

And if we can be okay with feeling not okay
ask for help
stay connected to the folks we love
We will run again.

It takes derring do to feel the feels and be open
It takes derring do to be patient in the funk and not demand a purpose
It takes derring do to be a friend in this time.

Thanks so much, Friends, for your derring do. I am feeling the love in it all. 

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