Waiting

Bells, Shambhala Mountain Center
Bells, Shambhala Mountain Center

I am waiting on word of a test; someone I love is wondering.

I am waiting to hear from a friend who is on another adventure – one both bitter and sweet.

We are waiting for the swelter-fest of summer to break and early fall to supplant the 100+ degrees from the Flint Hills.

Some in our good company are waiting to start a new school year
a new life with a new name
a new job of derring do.

We wait.
Just typing those two words makes my heart pound as if a bear moseyed into the reading loft and put its paw on my neck.

We wait in an “active pose” doing what needs to be done
searching and researching
waking and sleeping

knowing that all of our pushing, wishing, and bluster will not progress fullness of time and the tee-ing up of next steps any more than we can change the weather by wishing.

We are not entirely foolish
or lost in dark tunnels of what ifs
so we stay as vertical as possible
in motion
hoping that our direction is true
and inertia keeps us on-toward
when our hearts,
limbs,
and resolve fails.

Or our family + friends (framily) 
help to keep us on track
as we have helped in the past.

Waiting.
What are you waiting for?

As a woman human prone to action
and tripping over my own best efforts,
I realize that this waiting room is familiar.

I am challenged to respond in UNfamiliar ways.

I am challenged to wait
in a series of active –
sometimes a child’s – pose
and keep going about the business of days.

Dishes
laundry
running (gamboling)
working
paying bills
learning all that I can
asking questions
listening
paying attention
looking for breadcrumbs of direction
stretching these creaky limbs and mind

Rather
than dive so deeply into one ocean
(of researching, running, or deciding)
that I miss the nuances
of winds shifting direction
questionable inconsistencies
a fair heart on the horizon
good news
bad news met with bravery.

I don’t have to fix this not knowing.
And neither do you.

If anything this wack-a-doodle life has taught me
is that my best efforts
failures
and yesterday’s rousing successes
amount to a lot of diddley today.

This day deserves its own derring do.
This day and the people we love and who love us
deserve our active patience.

Continue to run and stretch and learn and discover.

Take risks of heart and limb.

Add rest and quiet to your adventure.

Set an intention for your time of waiting.

Help where you can.

Make this short life as wide as possible.

When the tests return
school begins
and autumn cool rests on the prairie
together we’ll deal with all that the turning brings
In our collective…connected derring do.

If you need inspiration in your waiting (I do), may I suggest The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.


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